Day 22 of my 30-day challenge to exercise and meditate for 15 minutes each, every day and then document my process. I did not meditate before I went to work but I made it into work somewhat on time. The energy has been a bit hectic and chaotic. I made it through the day as best as can be expected and went home. I got my dog Fresca and headed down by the river. The sky looked a bit ominous but the weather said we had 0% chance of rain. I looked at the sky for a few minutes and decided to continue with my walk. 10 minutes into the walk the wind picked up all the loose dirt on the ground and sent it in the air. I couldn’t see and thought, “Didn’t see that coming.” Then I thought about the dark ominous clouds I just looked at for a very long time and thought, “Actually, yes I did see that coming. Duh. What the fuck was I thinking? Really what did I expect? Come on Amy!” I quickly turned around and picked up my pace back towards my car.

I noticed several people just chilling and hanging out by the river. I find some people odd but to each their own, I guess. After a few minutes, it started raining lightly. It had been unGodly hot the last few days so, other than the dirt in my eyes the breeze and the light rain were a refreshing break from the sweltering heat. I made it back to my car and the rain started to come down harder. By the time I made it home it was full on down pour. They obviously were not the most opportune time to go for a walk but I at least got in 20 minutes in.

I received a call from an employee very upset because she thought she was being judged by another member of management. I spoke to her for about 2 hours attempting to get her to calm down. I was also trying my best therapist skills on her and attempting to get her to love herself a little bit more and stop the negative cycle that was looping in her head. She laughed a few times then would go back to crying and yelling. She drank 4 bottles of wine and that was what she admitted. It sounded like she really wanted to quit but I wasn’t entirely sure about the reason. I noticed she was using many negative affirmations and I attempted to get her to stop telling the story she was telling herself because it was only adding to her problems.

I sat down to meditate and collect my thoughts. It’s so hard to silence all of the noise. I should use mantras more frequently. The reality of my life is I will just debate the process of meditating and think about how I can be more efficient but struggle with implementing it. Or maybe I will finally break my pattern. It’s bound to happen one of these days. Well, no new mantra or insights today. Just excepting all of us are doing the best we can with what we have and another day down.

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